One of the things I dread the most is drawing attention to myself and creating tension. When you combine the two it’s a whole different story. A couple of weeks ago I was going through my usual day of meeting after meeting. During the morning meeting I felt a tugging by the Holy Spirit to bring up something at my afternoon meeting. And from the time I felt the tugging and the urging of the Holy Spirit I struggled because I didn’t want to do it. Probably because I was afraid that I wouldn’t be taken seriously or maybe what I would say would be put down. I shared with my pastors that morning what I wanted to say because of the tugging and they confirmed that it was something that I should bring up.
So I pushed aside my fears and anxiety and mustered up the courage and boldness. Now I’m not the most vocal or outspoken person of the group, which is why I asked the head of our meeting for permission to say a couple of things before we went on with our regular agenda. Just to give you an idea what the atmosphere was like, I was in the midst of some of the finest and influential colleagues. When I was given the floor to speak I could literally feel all the eyes directed at me and as I was speaking I couldn’t understand why my voice was cracking up. Probably because even up to that time I was still fighting the Holy Spirit (Why do I have to say it?!). After saying what I had to say a couple of them agreed that it was something that we needed to hear as a group, especially with all the success and growth that has been happening in our ministry.
After that whole ordeal I was first of all glad that it was over. At the same time I was glad that I had obeyed the Holy Spirit even though it’s something I’d prefer not to do at all. Could the Spirit of God have spoken to someone else about it? Most definitely. I’m probably the most unwilling of the bunch but I count it a privilege to serve and obey my God.